My Place

A place for creativity.aaaaaaaaaaaaA place for self-expression.

A place for brutally honest writing.

31 October 2009

The Whirlpool

Have you ever told so many lies that you eventually forgot the truth? Have you ever forgotten who you truly are?  Quite frankly, I didn't even know that such things were possible...
...until now...

          Within months, she had become completely submerged in the whirlpool of lies she had created, going deeper and deeper until she finally could not see light anymore.  The lies pried at her; she tried to push them away, but had no success.  They ate her mind until nothing was left but a swirling mess of lies.  
          She could no longer tell the difference between true and false, reality and fantasy, fiction and nonfiction.  Everything became the same.  Everything was real.  And the whirlpool just kept on spinning.

30 October 2009

I Want

I want
to see a whole new world
to open my eyes to a dazzling place

I want 
to see unbelievable horizons
to look around to find unthinkable opportunities

I want
to see from a new point of view
to notice that there is good in this world

I want
to see that it's possible to start over
to live in a place where I can do things right

29 October 2009

No Longer

I've lost everything

Things that used to mean the world to me...
no longer important

People I used to love...
no longer matter

Things I used to wish and hope for...
 no longer significant

All I care about
is you

But you're gone
and when you left
you stripped me of my beliefs
my love
my dreams
and now

I've lost everything

28 October 2009

I Can't

I lay in my bed, staring at the darkness with large, blank eyes. I want to sleep but I can't. I turn on the light and stare at my book. The words don't make sense; they all blend together and the letters don't look like English letters anymore. I want to read but I can't. I turn off the light and try to remember a day when I was happy. Immediately, I think of all those times with my friends, but I cant remember anything that doesn't make me want to scream.  I want to be happy but I can't. I am suddenly confronted with an urge to cry... Crying always makes people feel better. But tears don't come. I continue to stare at the wall, completely numb. I want to feel, but I can't. My mind seems frozen. It's incapable of thoughts. I want to think but I can't.

27 October 2009

Crouched Down

Crouched down
Holding onto her beliefs
Praying for them to send her a pathway
But knowing that they never will

Crouched down
Holding onto her dreams
Praying that monsters are not real
But knowing that devils live among us

Crouched down
Holding onto a stuffed animal
Praying for it to hug her back
Because she knows it is one thing that will never leave her

Crouched down
Holding onto the moments
Praying for the guilt to diminish
But knowing there is not enough time

Crouched down
Holding onto the possibilities
Praying for the pain to subside
Not knowing that pain is necessary

Crouched down
Holding onto her feelings
Praying that they will matter
But knowing that they never will

Crouched down
Holding onto the words
Praying for them to be true
But knowing that they are all lies

Crouched down
Holding onto her body
Praying for the shell to remain intact
When everything inside is shattered

Crouched down
Holding onto the future
Praying that someone will want her
But knowing that no one ever will

Crouched down
Holding onto her chest
Praying to feel the heartbeat
If only it would last forever

Crouched down
Trying to let go of the past
Praying for the ghosts to leave her alone
But knowing that the past always comes back to haunt you

Crouched down
Letting go of everything
Her prayers are unanswered
Her beliefs do not matter
Her dreams evaporate
The stuffed animal falls to the ground
The moments will not last forever
The possibilities disappear
Her feelings go unknown
She could not see the truth
Her shell was broken
The beats cease to thump
As the past consumes her forever

25 October 2009


I used to tell her about it. But now, everything stays inside. I
cannot risk it. I cannot go back to that place. Everything has to be a
secret, because, maybe, if I pretend for long enough and try hard
enough, it will all go away... Maybe, the darkness will seep out of me
and I'll be able to see light again. For now, I help her. I do
anything I can to convince her of lies that were once fed to me,
hoping that she believes me, so that she'll escape the pain of knowing
that there's a certain point you reach when you're beyond help, which
is where I am now. I read the things I tell her, the lies about
happiness I feed her and wonder, how, if my soul's as black as they
say, I am able to come up with words that carry so much hope, so many
things I don't believe.

24 October 2009

Scared to Live, Scared to Die

I'm scared to wake, I'm scared to think
I'm scared to sleep, I'm scared to dream
I'm scared to love, I'm scared to hurt
I'm scared to act, I'm scared to plan
I'm scared to run, I'm scared to hide
I'm scared to be, I'm scared to hope
I'm scared to live, I'm scared to die


Death comes like a storm. It can be sudden and fierce, or slow and agonizing. Sometimes, it’s predictable.  Other times, it seems to come out of nowhere… Just drop right out of the sky. We like to think we can control it, that it’s preventable and unneeded. But in the end, the only truthful thing about death is that it always comes, and there’s really no way to stop it.

I Need

My hands are

My feet are

My eyes are

My mind is

I wait.
I want.
I hope.
I need.

22 October 2009


"You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the entire trip that way."
- E.L. Doctorow

The brakes come sudden
the acceleration easy
find the perfect balance
to stay on the road

The fog on the road
won't fade
won't lift
won't go away
without the fog
the road would be too clear
the ride would be too boring
there would be no struggle
nothing left to learn

The drive is long
the destination murky
no one knows when it will end
enjoy it while you can

The sudden twists and turns
keep you on your feet
the abrupt inclines and declines
with the mix of haze
make it impossible
to see far ahead

The stops taken
the impulse turns
the hasty acceleration
are what make life unpredictable
the unpredictability is what
everyone really wants

The spontaneous jerks
the random drops
the horrible crashes
are all part of the drive
though they seem unnecessary, unfair
they are the part of life
that makes life worth living

Introduction and "Pain"

Hello, and welcome to my blog! My name is Honest, and I currently live in the 303 (aka Denver). Hopefully my first post finds you well. This first post is essentially an introduction to me and to what I'm hoping this blog will be about. I'm an aspiring writer, and so hopefully "Rainy Days" will be a place where I can post short stories and poems, and maybe some other styles of creative writing, and hopefully, I'll get some feedback!

My first poem published on this blog will be one I wrote a while ago, and it sort of explains why I write.


The pain felt
the need for something
I try to scream
but nothing comes out
my voice is gone

All that remains
is a piece of paper
a pencil
and the pain