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22 November 2009

Value

I'm on the floor, sobbing, when you come into the room.  I look into your eyes and silently plead with you.  I need you, so badly right now.  You're the only one who can save me.  Are you going to save me?  You look down at me, and suddenly, it feels like ice is flooding my veins.  You're looking at me, but something has changed.  Suddenly, it's clear that you don't care about me.  I can see it in your eyes.  You don't care if I live, you don't care if I die. 

It's not that you hate me--it's that you're indifferent.  And that--your indifference--hurts so much more than it would if you hated me. 

Everything starts to ache, and the tears come faster.  I didn't even make one small difference in your life.  My life means nothing to you... my life meant nothing in your life.

If I wanted to, I could touch you.  I can smell your shampoo.  You're right here.  So close.  Yet, it's like you never knew me.  Don't you remember me?  We used to talk for hours and hours.  You were the person I told everything to, the only person I told everything to, and at one point, I thought I was the person you told everything to.  But now... looking into your eyes, it's clear.  You don't care... not even a little bit.  

I have to wonder what this means... about me... about the value of my life, or lack thereof.

Did you ever care?  Or was I that easily fooled?

2 comments:

  1. I think we all feel this way about someone at least once, and maybe many times, in this lifetime.

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  2. Yeah, I agree, indifference hurts so much more than hate does. Hate at least acknowledges your presence. Indifference is like ..you're just another face in society. Nice post, btw.

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